Tag: family

Issues of Control and Needing Love-Michael’s and My Exceptional Journey

child, family, generation

Michael is going through a period of life now where he is asserting himself. He is becoming more independent which I love, but it can sometimes be annoying. How, you ask? Well, he will insist on doing EVERYTHING by himself. And by that, I mean like for instance if I got the food for his snack he would take the food, put it back in the cupboard and get it himself. It is a part independence/part OCD thing, but I am proud all the same. I am trying to teach him though that you can work together with someone in a team AND be independent. That is proving the harder lesson to teach, but we are getting there slowly.

As frustrating as it is when he tests my patience with doing things over, and knowing he can’t swear will say a silly word, I know my little boy is blooming. When I get frustrated, I remind myself of when he was little and I prayed he would be aware of us. Then he was. Then I prayed he would begin talking and communicating, and he did. Then I prayed he would read and write which he is starting to do. The next thing I pray for is for Michael to learn to handle this anxiety and stress and figure out when he can do things himself and when he can ask for help.  I am proud he is communicating stress to me.

Yesterday evening Michael and I navigated baking together for the first time in about six months. It was trying at times and fun at others. All of the time I was reminding him about balance, asking for help or clarification if you needed it, and then telling me he was ready to do it alone if I was still being the protector Mama. I am getting better at stepping away from that role though. I am learning that even if it is harder for Michael or takes longer, he needs to experience doing things on his own by himself. I am proud as I watch him struggle then figure it out. I was not allowed to do this until I was older. It impacted my confidence, and I want to make sure Michael’s confidence gets a boost before his twenties. My parents did their best and what they did helped me, but hindered me in other ways. I hope to teach Michael to fly with confidence at a younger age, and still show him the unconditional love my parents still have for my brother and I now that we are adults.

Exceptional Parents, when do you notice your Exceptional Children pulling away from you to seek control? When do you notice them pushing into you at other times for reassurance of your love in their way? It’s important as you know, to strike a balance between the two, control and love and let them see that by working with you they gain independence and keep your love. Until next time.

Overwhelmed by anxiety? Download my FREE EBOOK: “5 WAYS TO MANAGE EXCEPTIONAL FAMILY ANXIETY” at: www.exceptionalparenting.net under EBOOKS. Fill in the submission form to receive your FREE EBOOK.

 

Puberty and Holding Back The Exceptional Way- Why This Mom Is Choosing Not To Worry

There have been a lot of inconsistencies with Michael lately, but I think a dear friend of mine was right when she speculated my nine and a half year old son may be going through puberty or at least the beginnings of it. Why do I suspect this? He is seeking me out on his terms for hugs and time and talking, but is holding back in other ways. It’s hard to tell though, as Dad and I are also having trouble with him listening and testing limits more at home. He is sensing our very different parenting styles, which we have to be careful of. Dad and I are realizing that it’s alright to parent a little differently, as long as  your child knows that both parents have the same rules. His school team has been very helpful in making some suggestions to us along these same lines, and we may consult further professionals for tips in supporting Michael and ourselves as best as possible.

I have also become concerned that he is not telling me what is happening at school or revealing only a little.  This has been hard to get used to, but started only about a week or two ago. I’m not sure what has changed. Perhaps he resents all of us talking about him and thinking we are up against him. I disclose to him that I am talking to the staff at his school in order to help him and us learn techniques to better listen and get along with one another. Maybe he wants his space. When he gets aggressive and challenging, it is so hard to be truly present and patient, but I am learning. I have learned much in the last few years about parenting with patience, and acknowledging where I need work or improvement. Don’t we all, neuro typical or exceptional. We all have things to improve upon.  Michael shows me daily how to be more patient and understanding towards him and myself.

Exceptional Parents, how do you treat changes in your Exceptional Children? Do you worry or embrace them, or do a mixture of both? It’s important to not let worry  overcome your better judgement, but at the same time have your detective hat on and follow any trail that seems suspicious. Remember, most of the time, it is just your child entering a new stage of development. Testing, challenging, retreating, coming back. Your child will do all these things. It’s important as their parent to stay close by, and let them know you care and are there to listen and support them always. Until next time.

 

Feeling stressed about special needs parenting? You are not alone. Download my FREE EBOOK on “5 WAYS TO MANAGE EXCEPTIONAL FAMILY ANXIETY” here: http://www.exceptionalparenting.site88.net. 

 

Shedding Tears, Growing Stronger

http://mrg.bz/623242

I have not cried as much all year as I have in the past month, and particularly over the last two weeks. Michael has been increasingly anxious, aggressive and challenging  from early am to late pm. I have cried not for me this time, but for him. How can I help him help himself when he is working so hard to keep me and his Dad out? I keep reminding him, we are  his team, but all I can do is sit and wait for him to calm down and listen.

The good news this time around is that Michael is getting great tools at school and Dad and I are on the same page at home for the most part. There have been slip ups. Of course, we’re human beings. Gone are my old fears and worries about how I wasn’t a good mother to Michael. How I was a failure and weak. Now, I just think, this is too hard sometimes for all of us. But I take a deep breath, do my own inner work and move on to being the best parent I can to Michael.

http://mrg.bz/b68d59

 There have been good moments  amidst the bad and stressful ones. In the good moments, I have seen Michael’s joking nature, his intelligence, and amazing questions about the world around him. Then, there is the other side; the swearing, screaming, insults hurled at me and his Dad. “You never let me do things my way,” and “Why did you take my outing away?”  It has been an education trying to teach Michael about rules, having strategies to handle stress and insecurities, and about how he can make choices to listen and get good results, and not listen and get negative results.

After two agonizing weeks with fights all around, I think last night we made some headway. Michael came back from tennis with Dad. I took over to give Dad a break, and we had snack together and talked. He finally apologized for his behavior, and started asking questions about his responsibility in losing his park outing and drive after tennis. He was courteous at dinner, did his homework, and other than some silliness, did well at bedtime. I saw the breakthrough, and although challenges still lie ahead,  Michael is starting to connect the pieces for himself of actions and consequences.

Exceptional Parents, how do you navigate the challenging times with your child/dren?  It’s so important to trust your parenting instinct yet reach out for help too. You need to see two sides to the child’s story, theirs and yours, and to gently learn to find the solution to help them move over troubled waters. Patience, looking for the good moments that are there with all kids, and mindfulness when used properly, will be your friend and help your child succeed. Until next time.

 

Feeling stressed about special needs parenting? You are not alone. Download my FREE EBOOK on “5 WAYS TO MANAGE EXCEPTIONAL FAMILY ANXIETY” here: http://www.exceptionalparenting.site88.net. 

 

 

Easter Celebrations- A Time of Rebirth

So it’s Easter weekend. We decorated the house, are planning to take Michael to the animal petting zoo this afternoon, (a family favorite since he was two years old), and will be coloring our Easter Eggs on Saturday morning with the colorful food dye before our first round of celebrations with one side of the family followed by round two on Sunday afternoon after church and a traditional Easter Egg Hunt. It doesn’t feel like Easter outside though. We had snow and freezing rain the last two days. They are calling for nice warmer sunny weather on Saturday and Sunday though. I’m glad as Michael has been asking about going to parks, and we are hoping to try out his new scooter that his paternal grandparents got him either on Saturday or Sunday.

Exceptional Parents, what do you do to celebrate Easter and Spring? How do you and your family embrace the season? What challenges do you face? Remember one thing, even with the hard times of winter in your child’s and your life, Spring will come, joy will bloom, and life will begin again. Happy Spring and Happy Easter everyone! Until next time.