Category: new year resolutions

My Exceptional New Year’s Resolutions And The Challenges in Keeping Them

Stay calm and be the example. Pick your battles when he pushes your buttons. Be forgiving and understand why things are hard.

These are some of the things I have been struggling with since making some informal New Year’s resolutions. No, I don’t believe in making any really specific ones anymore, whether as a parent or individual, but this year I really wanted to move forward in my personal growth while helping Michael move forward in his. I am truly seeing each day, for better or worse, how Michael is raising me to be an Exceptional Parent. Things have been getting better, a lot better at home between Michael, Dad and I. Still, raging teenage hormones, frustration over a disease that he did not ask for (diabetes) and managing his ADHD and autism, makes it challenging for Michael to self-regulate around us, and for us to self-regulate around him. I was doing well the first few days into January, and most of the time now, still consider I am moving forward in a positive direction. For instance, when Michael deliberately tries to trigger me, most of the time I stay calm, breathe and answer him directly and simply that his behavior is unacceptable. Then there are the other times when I stand outside myself, a spiritual entity, watching me unravel a little as Michael is rude, hyper or aggressive. The difference now though, is that I see the crazy woman losing it and immediately show her compassion a few seconds later. I used to berate her and put her down before. I also own it to Michael reminding him how although he was out of line, I made a mistake yelling back or losing my cool by raising my voice, or storming out of the room. I no longer feel guilty. I see I am human and learning. And I am beginning to see that our mistakes really make us stronger and wiser.

In the last three days particularly, I have grown more confident just before I am about to lose it and have, surprise, NOT lost it. Yes! I know I am not out of the woods, but the thing is Michael and I are a lot more alike in temperament than I’d like to admit. No, I am not aggressive to people or trigger them deliberately. Then again, I don’t have Michael’s challenges, just anxiety and old self-esteem baggage I am still working my way through. Getting better all the time. Hey, I fight for the underdog. I see them as the top dogs who don’t see their potential. That is why I¬† finally see who I am and what I must do to answer my personal calling and help other kids and parents answer theirs. But back to the similar character thing. I also like things predictable as Michael does. I like being in control, way too much. And it’s only as I began to let go of trying to control people and situations that my life, and the lives of those around me, have gotten better and more peaceful. When I find myself going back to my old ways- getting stressed about change, worrying about what others think, questioning myself, I silently remind myself what Michael has taught me even as he struggles with it-be yourself, own it, live your dreams, dare to be original and to heck with what others say, as Dr. Seuss himself said, “Those who care don’t matter, and those who matter don’t care.” Wise words by a wise writer. ūüôā

So I am learning so far in 2019. that change is scarier and more exciting than ever for me. I am learning that YES I am truly changing for the better, but there are days when I want to hide and get angry that I fail little self-control tests and lose it as a Mom. Then I say, life is a journey lived with each breath. Each day I take new steps towards the parent I am still becoming as Michael takes towards the adolescent he is becoming. I have more compassion for parents than ever before, and remember no judging others. It’s that whole he is without sin thing. We’re all in this Exceptional Parenting thing together, and need to build bridges, not walls with each other.

Exceptional Parents, what are some of your New Year’s resolutions a week in? Are you having trouble living up to them? Remember, you and your child like every human being, are works in progress. Celebrate the little victories and don’t despair the failures. They will help you become stronger and move towards the parent and person you want to become. Until next time.

Are you the parent of an Exceptional Child struggling with how best to handle challenging behavior? Are you worried about development, anxiety, or doubting your abilities to help your child become the best they can be? I can help you find your confidence as a parent again. For more information about my journey and coaching programs, check out my website: http://www.creatingexceptionalparenting.com. Let me help personalize tools that will help your Exceptional family thrive! 

 

 

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Exceptional Mommy Resolutions for 2017

We are almost at the close of another year. It’s incredible how fast the time goes whether we want it to or not. As I look back over this year, I see how far Michael, his Dad and I have come as individuals and as a family. Dad and I have started to not make any more excuses for where we are not and start to work on where we want to be as individuals and as parents. We have showed and continue to show that to Michael. It is hard sometimes. There are days of self-pity for all of us. But I am happy that I can now step back when I am in this mode and look at myself as if I am a character in a play and even laugh a little, “Oh, there she goes singing the I have no time for me card. Oh, there she goes singing the oh this is so hard card.” And I realize. Things are only as hard as we want to make them. Sure, there are challenges in life and obstacles. But if we break them down into small steps, we can succeed. If we instead decide to pity ourselves, we cut ourselves and our abilities short.

resolutions, scrabble

2016 was a terrible year for a lot of close people around me. Family and friends have struggled and continue to struggle with health issues, personal and psychological. Dad and I struggled to help Michael when he started exhibiting more challenging behaviors and had to rule out more serious mental health issues, which we were so relieved were not present. We also had to look at our own personal situation: financial and our home and see what changes we needed to start making to move forward. We had our share of challenges too. Isn’t that always what a New Year does? It’s a chance to start over fresh and make positive changes. So, here if anyone is interested, are my Exceptional Mommy New Year’s Resolutions:

  1. Show more patience and kindness: This is something I am going to start doing with me first and then work outwards with family, friends and the world. When we feel positive and light we affect those around us with that same light.
  2. Take care of my overall health: I do a pretty good job here, but I want to really make a point to continue my regular meditation, yoga, exercise routine along with eating well and regular medical checkups as well as prioritizing things like personal time to read and unwind. As a business owner my leisure time is non existent at the moment unless I’ve had a really tough day. That is going to change.
  3. Work on my fiction regularly and send out a completed fiction novel to publishers: I have my dream job of freelance writing and love connecting with parents as a coach. The problem¬†is that I¬†do not have¬†a heck of a lot of time for my fiction writing. I want to carve out regular fiction writing time and send out an old novel to publishers. You never know ! ūüôā
  4. Make time for more prayer, spiritual reading and reflection: This is something that I have been talking about since the fall. I will make the time to do this, as I have seen just like exercise, without my time in prayer and reflection, other things in my life come apart.
  5. I will try new things that scare the bleep out of me: I did a few of these in 2016. More to come in 2017. I have seen that it is only by pushing ourselves to the edge of that cliff that we can say we are truly alive and growing. We need to trust that there is a net to catch us below. God help me, I will teach this to Michael too. Autism or not, he has to learn to trust his instincts and I will work with him to do that.

Exceptional Parents, what are some of your New ¬†Year’s resolutions for you and your Exceptional Child? What do you need to let go of and move towards? We all have things we want to change. Use this time as a time of rebirth and renewal. Teach your child to make realistic resolutions if they are capable of it. If not, model for them your own personal transformation, the best example you could set. Wishing you all a Happy and Healthy New Year in 2017! Until next time.

Are you looking to make changes in your special needs parenting life? Do you need support on your journey?  I am a writer and parent coach who is passionate about empowering parents to trust their own instinct when raising their exceptional children with autism, and remembering that parenthood is as much a journey for us as childhood is for our children. For more information on my parent coaching programs, and to book a FREE 30 Minute Consultation, see my website: http://www.exceptionalparenting.net.

It’s almost the new year. ¬†Do you need new strategies to cope with anxiety? Download my FREE EBOOK on ‚Äú5 WAYS TO HANDLE EXCEPTIONAL FAMILY ANXIETY‚ÄĚ http://www.exceptionalparenting.net/EBOOKS.