Category: facing fears

How Anger Can Be A Good Thing And What I’ve Learned As An Exceptional Mom

So to say that last week was tough in our family would be the understatement of the year. I don’t know if it is the early onslaught of winter, the fact Michael had a few nights where sleep wasn’t good, or his high blood sugar, but let’s just say that after handling about five nights of Michael blowing up in anger with little bits of my anger coming through, by Sunday I was mentally and physically wiped out. I was upset at myself that I’d let myself get worn out from redirecting his anxiety and aggression to the point where I opted out of family activities and sought complete solitude

That was not a bad thing, but seeking this out when we were are exhausted is not healthy. I didn’t even want music on in my house and that is not me, unless I count my burnout five years ago. Then I didn’t want to see people, hear music or participate in life. I hunkered down in my house and didn’t even write much. Thankfully I came through that phase with the help of finally releasing my anger in a positive way, and talking about it to professionals, family and good friends.

So this is why I think anger is a good thing. It’s an emotion like any other. I spent most of my life fearing anger. My own and other people’s. I thought it made me an uncaring person if I showed it. As a result, I developed a lot of unhealthy ways of coping with anger up until my late thirties. Michael has fallen into that same trap. I am trying to teach him to acknowledge his anger by not lashing out, but by letting himself feel the emotion, then coping by deep breathing, squeezing something, jumping it out on his trampoline, taking time alone to listen to soft music, or even ripping up paper. That seemed to work the other day as he unleashed his emotions in his room. I remember an art teacher in high school showing this to the class.

Anger is a good thing as it helps us recognize what is off in ourselves or in our child. Anger helps us connect to what changes we need to make to find balance again. Sometimes it means getting away from people. Sometimes it means seeking them out. Sometimes, more commonly, it is a mixture of the two things. Another good thing is that anger helps us learn what we need to fix. I like what our educator told Michael a few weeks ago. I often think of this too from my days of therapy. All human beings need to feel all emotions. It’s not normal to be happy all the time or sad or hyper. We need balance. Anger adds to that balance, and helps us appreciate when things start going right.

So as bad as I felt last weekend hunkering down, I realized this was not me pre-depression. This was the me who got a little off track, and was practicing what I preach to Michael. Let yourself feel what you are feeling, work through it, release it, move on. I took the day to write, take a long nature walk, and then spend some time with my cat. In the evening, I took a long bubble bath. Monday morning I was recharged, and I was reminded what I will do differently the next time frustration and anger start to build. I will take mini breaks. I am reminding Michael of this lesson too. He taught me what I need to do for myself, and now I was returning the favor. We both learn from one another.

Exceptional Parents, do you feel that anger is something you have made work for you and your child? Obviously , extreme anger is dangerous and needs outside help, but as long as your child and you have a healthy way to release anger and angry emotions, you will be able to get through even the toughest periods in your family life and become stronger for it. Until next time.

Clearing Up Communication Deficits- 5 Ways To Help You Understand Your Exceptional Child Better

Michael is growing up. Each day I see how he is pushing to be more independent and self-sufficient, yet there are still the struggles he faces with impulse control, asking for help, and realizing that when you love someone, you need to respect that they have boundaries, physical and psychological from you and you from them.

As I have realistically began to see Michael’s strengths and weaknesses and not assumed that I have to find the solution to all his problems, I have learned how communication deficits exist on all sides of the family-the parent’s and the child’s side. I have learned how to talk to Michael, get his input and give mine so that we can figure out how we can fix family fights or problems that keep occurring. Below are 5 ways our family has learned to handle communication deficits:

  1. Be honest about your weaknesses and what you are working on: It’s important to share with your child your own challenges and what you are doing to fix them- i.e. I have a temper so I take myself to a room to do 5 deep breaths and some yoga before I continue a discussion.
  2. Acknowledge their fear and frustration: It’s important that your child knows you feel bad that they are struggling. You are not okay-ing negative behavior, just saying you are there to support them through it.
  3. Ask them what tools they think could work: For a young child, ask if they need to blow bubbles, get a hug, squeeze something or walk to calm down. For an older child, let them write or describe what strategies they can use to center themselves and what they need from you.
  4. Make time to talk to them: No matter how tired you are, make time to listen and talk to your child. If they are not ready, just let them know that you are there for them when they are.
  5. Reward good behavior, and remind your child that they are not failures, they make good or bad choices: It’s important that kids see you catch them at being good. It’s also important that even when they trigger you by making bad choices, you tell them you are mad about the choice. It does not reflect the love you feel for them ever.
    Exceptional Parents, what communication challenges do you have in your family? We all have to clear up how we communicate first as parents to our children and other adults, and then teach our kids by example how they can better describe from us what they need. It’s also important that we prize honesty about all else, and work on teaching our kids that there is no shame in learning from our mistakes. Until next time.

When Your Exceptional Child Gets Their Impulsivity-Techniques To Help Them Move Forward

“I’m trying Mommy, I really am, but it’s hard. I can’t stop myself sometimes. I can’t stop and think.”
I sighed. Michael and I were having yet another long discussion about his impulsivity in saying things that were inappropriate and some angry outbursts that he had had that week. We were reviewing his strategies, the worksheets he had filled out to try and understand his brain better, and other things that we could be putting into place that could help him.

“I know it’s hard Michael, but you can’t just explode when you don’t hear things you like. Being angry is ok. You just need to make sure that you are calm enough to talk about your feelings to your father and I when have calmed down.

“I am impulsive, right?”

“Well, you have impulsive moments. Your brain is wired that way, but it does not mean that you can’t find the right techniques to use that could help you. Remember, your brain, the ADHD and Autism brain is incredible. You’ve just got to work out the parts that make anger and anxiety harder to control.”

Michael nodded and again spoke of doing his best to try and learn from his outbursts. I acknowledged that I could see how doing that as well as how I could tell when his mouth was getting ahead of his brain. We talked about how even neuro typical people have their moments. I used examples when I became angry because I didn’t do my strategies in the early stages of anger or frustration. It’s important to remind our kinds that even neuro typical brains that don’t have impulse control issues have their moments as well when they may make less than stellar choices.

After having this conversation, I realized I had been using a little checklist of things that were working to help Michael and our family in understanding his exceptional brain. Here are some techniques that could help your child cope when they are having those difficult moments processing feelings:

1) Have a sheet of paper in a few places with the STOP acronym as a reminder for them to stop, think, observe and plan before they act on feelings.

2) Depending on the age, have them make a “Calm Box” of toys, fidgets, or other articles where they can fiddle and go to when they are stressed and about to lose it.

3) Have a short phrase that you can utter firmly if you see your child losing it. In our family we use room, strategies. Michael knows to pick one of three rooms to go calm down an regroup before coming out to talk.

4) Have a time limit of how long they need to regroup. In our house it’s been 15 and 20 minutes.

5) Discuss afterwards how to better communicate so as to avoid frustrations. I go with, “I can see how angry you are. I am tired of having this same fight too, how can we fix this together?” Depending on the child’s age and level of comprehension, you may need to tailor it, but the gist is that as parents we hear our child out affirming what  is frustrating them as well as us, and how we can fix it.

Exceptional Parents, does your Exceptional Child understand their impulsivity? If not, are they struggling to? If so, the best thing to do is to sit down when you are both calm, find a set of techniques that work to help them calm down and you remind them when they are going off track. In the end, if the child gets mad, is able to catch themselves, use a strategy, then learn from the frustration, you know you are on the right path. Until next time.

When Similarities Between You and Your Exceptional Child Cause Clashing-5 Ways To Survive And Thrive

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As Michael and I each went to our “calm corners” the other day after a fight, I realized, and not for the first time, how similar our temperaments really are and why I am so easily triggered by his anger and anxiety when I am not taking care of my own stress. It was both comforting and annoying at the same time to see that when I am failing at handling our crises calmly, it is usually when I am overtired, stressed and anxious myself. My anger comes out at that point and I feel the need for controlling his outburts. I can’t. It’s that simple. I cannot control my son’s anger and anxiety. The days I realize this are the days I stay calm and the crisis is resolved faster.

I used to make it a daily task, thinking it was my job to not only teach Michael to control his emotions but if he failed, it meant I had failed, and not failed to show him a technique, but to stop it. Crazy huh. I finally stopped believing I had to control every single one of his emotional outbursts after he officially entered puberty. He was already well on his way to knowing how to express himself. He was stronger and getting taller by the minute, and most of all, though I had known this all along, puberty really brought home the fact that he was and is a separate entity from me. We are not joined at the hip as too many Moms think of themselves and their child. I had to stop taking everything he messed up on as a personal failure and address my own need to super control what I could not.

The next thing I realized was my own anxious and angry temperament when I was not using my newfound strategies to not ‘push down’ feelings. Yes, I was a pusher when younger. I had even fooled myself that I was happy, calm and had it together. I was really quite perfectionist, and thought that I didn’t deserve a heck of a lot. Over the last fifteen years I have worked hard to set up personal boundaries with people, practice self-care and learn about what helps curb my anger and anxiety. This is all thanks to my son who still challenges the hell out of me to make myself a better human being.

So how do you survive (and even allow yourself to occasionally laugh at) the possibility of having similarities with your Exceptional Child? Here’s what works for me:

  1. See the spirited side of you both: Yep. You heard me right. You know how we say hyper or anxious kids are spirited? Well, so are the adults. You bring people a different perspective on things because while over analyzing problems you see all the angles. Your child is like this too, so look at the positives in this. You are detailed, creative and ready to stand by your opinion. Just don’t let it consume you day and night and it is a positive.
  2. Recognize your needs for exercise or movement: What works for an upset me or an upset Michael is moving- rocking, walking, having a good cry or scream. Let it out in a safe place and then regroup and talk it out with each other.
  3. Celebrate the quirky, don’t diminish it: Whatever weird thing your child does you celebrate because it is who they are. If you have one of these traits, do the same.
  4. Don’t try to fix everything for them or you: Don’t be a perfectionist person or parent. It will only make you and your child miserable. If you want to do something special for them and they are not interested, don’t push it because you think you are a bad Mom for not doing it. Listen to what they say, unspoken and spoken. If you are not sure, go with your gut on what makes you and your child happy in the end. It won’t steer you wrong.
  5. Don’t take your child’s attempts to trigger you personally. Oh so hard if you are a sensitive parent yourself, but it really is true. Make sure you are as rested, calm and balanced as possible, and don’t let your child’s attempts to trigger you with words and actions seriously. Two out of control people won’t help. Show them what you’ve learned about self-control and practice it. If you mess up, and you will because you’re human, fess up. Take yourself somewhere to calm down, talk about what you did wrong, and how you will fix it. This will help them see what they could do right next time too.

Exceptional Parents, how many times have you been hard on yourself for yelling at your child for some of the same traits you had growing up? We’ll all done it. The important thing to remember is that by you recognizing your similarities with your child personality wise, the good and bad ones, it will bring you both closer as you continue to encourage the positive traits in each other and work on supporting your child while healing yourself of the negative traits. Remember, you are both raising each other in the end. Sometimes it will be beautiful. Sometimes it will be painful. In the end, there will be growth either way. Until next time.

 

Conquering Your Own Fears To Help Your Exceptional Child Conquer Theirs

Last week as I was driving in Michael’s school supplies taking a new route to his school with the GPS, I was reminded by my nervousness of one of my issues- my fear over my bad sense of direction. Michael had been challenging me all summer to go on drives with him to new places navigating me there correctly the majority of the time. It was nerve wracking, but an incredibly eye opening experience, both in pride seeing how amazing his sense of direction is and how I can conquer things that scare me when I put my mind to it.

You see, I am not someone blessed with a good sense of direction as I’ve alluded to in other blog posts, so this was a challenge to me. Even last Thursday alone in the car with no one judging my turns and directions, I was worried not about getting lost, but about handling the stress of doing something new. Wow. I was scared about breaking out of routine. Just like Michael.  But I did it and it felt great! I had Michael to thank for it.

My stress was about taking a new way to Michael’s school. Michael’s stress this summer stemmed from being around large groups of people and in noisier environments. I did my best to encourage small steps and he accomplished that, but not until Thursday morning did I fully understand how Michael felt. I had an AHA Moment. If this is how Michael feels when I am encouraging him to try something new, it really is a little on the terrifying side. What helped me do it? Well, it was the saying that I kept telling him all these years- you can’t be afraid to try something new. It’s important to use strategies to handle the stress, and then you’ll be amazed at what you can accomplish. Well, I took my own words to heart that morning and was proud of my little risk that ended well of course.

I rode through the anxiety and came out stronger. It got me thinking that if I now approached Michael’s sense of anxiety the same way I approached mine, I’d be a little more sympathetic and hopefully be able to offer more support towards his anxiety. Especially after handling something hard for me I could tell Michael I knew how he felt and commiserate better.

I also realized I could tell Michael, how about I face one of my direction fears if you face one of your people fears? In time, we would both be overjoyed at having faced our difficulties, and not only survived but thrived through the tougher moments. I once again had renewed sympathy and amazement at all the times Michael has pushed through the fear and come out a winner. He learned to walk, communicate, ride a bike, swim, handle diabetes, and all sorts of things in between. He is a hero because he didn’t give up all those times, and I am a hero and a role model for him during the moments I don’t give up and keep moving forward. I realized last week it is important the two of us never give up on each other and keep trying.

Exceptional Parents, how do you handle fear and stressful events? I hope you face it head on and set that positive example for your Exceptional Child. If you don’t, that’s ok. You’re human. We all have times we’ve backed off and maybe it was for the best, as we weren’t ready body, mind and spirit. Think about changing that mindset in the future though, because if your child sees you facing your fears head on they will be more apt to face theirs and come out the winner. Until next time.

Remembering Back, Looking Forward-How Our Exceptional Kids Teach Us About Resilience

Two years ago. Two years ago today I was in the emergency room of our local children’s hospital listening to one of the doctors telling me that he was pretty sure Michael had Type 1 Diabetes. They were running blood tests while Michael was hooked up to IV’s which were hydrating him. I stared disbelievingly at the doctor and heard my voice saying out loud;

“That’s good you want to rule that out. I don’t think it’s that. It’s probably something with his appendix.”

Denial is strong when we are frightened and don’t know the symptoms of a illness or disease. Dad and I did not know that with diabetes kids lose weight, drink a lot more, are tired. Michael was all of the above that summer, and I blamed it on a very tough year with intense behaviors at home. I did not know the signs.  Of course not even five minutes later the tests came back positive for Type 1 Diabetes. Dad and I were in shock. How was this possible? No one in our families had it. Would our little boy be ok? How would we handle this and his other challenges? How would Michael handle all of this?

As always, Michael surprised us. I remember thinking this poor kid who hated needles and loved to eat would now have to have four needle injections a day and he would have to learn to carb count all the carbohydrates in all the foods he ate in a day. He not only mastered taking his blood sugar and now giving himself needles, but he has learned how to manage his food intake. I don’t know why I was surprised. He was a fighter from the womb, and once out of the womb he continued amazing me. Still, I thought this would be enough for me to handle, a neuro typical woman who hated the idea of needles too. Michael took to everything with an ease even I didn’t have right away. He was and is my hero.

Two years ago today as Dad and I watched our little boy hooked up to so many wires to rebuild his body which had been shutting down, we both prayed and thanked God we got him to the hospital on time. I read everything I could find on Type 1 Diabetes, the same thing I did with autism and ADHD. We saw so many doctors, nurses, and a social worker who informed us about diabetes. We got articles, training and little breaks where we were told to go get a coffee as Michael healed. I remember thinking, how will we get through this as a family? How will we help Michael move forward? My joy was the day he asked to eat. I knew he was getting better.

We were trained on how to do the injections, and then sent home. That first year was all about trial and error as we all learned to put diabetes around our life, not the other way around, as our endochrinologist told us. I remember Michael taking so naturally to testing his blood sugar. I remember Michael remembering to take his supplies everywhere we went. We took sugar and did injections in parks, malls, restaurants, and at people’s houses. He would look at us and say, “This is not hard. It’s ok.” I was and am constantly amazed by his good-natured calm approach to his diabetes. Yes, there were the times my heart broke, like when he said he wishes he could eat unlimited quantities of things like his friends who don’t have diabetes. He wishes he didn’t have to worry about sugars and carbs. But, he always ended the conversations with, “this is not so bad.”

I don’t know where he got that resilience. Sure, Dad and I have taught him not to give up and to keep trying, but I firmly believe he was a fighter from utero onward. He has always been easy going, friendly and willing to try again. Each day I learn more about strength, resilience and positivity from Michael than I do from anyone else. He is my star and even when he drives me crazy which he frequently does now as a tween, 😉  I love the life lessons he teaches me and makes me realize I still need to learn. A chronic condition is not the end of life. It is a new way to live life, and it is the way we view it that determines how successful we will be in managing our quality of life.

Exceptional Parents, when have your Exceptional Children showed you their resilience and reminded you to never stop believing in yourself? Most of them show us this every day in how they tackles obstacles, stress, and the world around them. When you catch yourself losing patience with your child, remember. They are here to teach you as much as you are here to teach them. Until next time.

How To Help Your Exceptional Child Child Overcome Their Fears By Overcoming Your Own

The other day after a difficult afternoon with Michael. Once he had calmed down and was ready to talk, something occurred to me. I was also in the process of overcoming my own fears and doubts while Michael was dealing with new puberty ones. Some days were really tough, for both of us, but these were journeys we needed to be on. I also used the experience to help Michael after I realized my experience could be useful to him. On one of our after meltdown chats, I shared some of my fears with Michael.

“Michael, you know you are not the only one who has to handle dealing with fears and facing things that are scary. I am facing things that are scary to me.”

“Really Mommy?”
“Sure. You know you ask me why I am stressed when I am driving to new places. Well, I hate being lost and navigating to new places .That is a fear I am overcoming. My new GPS helps you and you, of course.” I smiled.

Michael did too.

“But you are always so calm when you talk to me and I am screaming. ”
“Yes, I am. I am using my strategies to stay calm.  And when I am scared like I was last week on the road, I really appreciated what you said.”
“What did I say?”
“You said, “Mommy just breathe. Another time I was really upset and told you I needed to be alone. You told me,  I love you. Do you remember?”
“Oh yeah. Now I do.”
“You were using your strategies. See, we both have hard moments and are working on handling fear. But when we use our strategies to handle our fears, we can handle things. Everyone has something they are handling.”
I wanted Michael to know that even with a brain more prone to anxiety and stress, he is not alone in handling stress and fear. We all have to do this. What matters is that we have support from family, friends and good strategies. There is no shame in sharing experiences with others. It’s then we realize we are not alone. Everyone is dealing with something.

Exceptional Parents, how do you help your Exceptional Child handle their fears and normalizing what fear is? Do you share your experience of fear with them? If not, it’s a good idea. Once your child understands they are not alone in having fears or worries, they will see it is normal, and connect with you on a whole new level. Until next time.

Personality Changes In Your Exceptional Child-When To Panic And When To Say It’s Puberty

So I have been feeling worried about Michael. Yes, I am a worrier and prone to anxiety myself. But, I have been seeing a little bit of a personality shift in my tween. He is going from a very extroverted social kid to being a little more withdrawn and not wanting to be in big places doing big things like in the past. The scariest thing at first was how he didn’t want to be around big crowds in stores, parks, beaches, pools. This was not the Michael I have known since infancy, who although would get overwhelmed, loved talking to and socializing with different people. Puberty has brought many changes, and one of them has become a greater awareness of his environment, appropriate and inappropriate things to do, and self-conscious thoughts. Was the medication causing this? Was he depressed? Or was this normal?

I am beginning to think this is part of Michael’s normal adolescence. His awareness of the world around him and the noises, social norms and other things expected of them, has made him a little more self-conscious and shy. I don’t think it is anything to worry about, though I do worry about his retreating socially a bit. A lot of the fights we’ve had lately have been around me saying he can’t let fear push him away from trying new things. He has taken it that I am trying to push him full force into talking something fearful, when I am clarifying with him that no, I don’t mean that. What I want is for him to tackle his fears slowly, break down the worry into small pieces, and then see how he can be successful. I think he is starting to believe me, though we are having hiccups along the way. What parent and tween don’t, right?
I am happy to say that I have seen a great maturity in Michael and how is handling his meltdowns lately. He is learning what he is doing right, and where he needs to improve. He spoke tonight that he stopped himself from throwing something in anger and let out his rage in crying and punching a toy meant to be a release for his anger. I commended him for doing that, though I have to admit it broke my heart to hear him crying. He also said it helps him to have one of us nearby when he is having challenges, both to see him through the tough time, and after when he is calm to talk. I realized this is not a child who is not well. This is a child who is slowly learning about his nervous system and how and what works for him to handle anger and anxiety and reset himself.

Red flags for a child would be complete pulling away from family and friends, complete personality changes social or solitary, and any kind of repeated destructive behavior where lessons were not learned and the intensity of it got worse. I am thankful that this is not the case. In fact, even on the harder days, we are seeing improvement. It just means more resilience is demanded of Dad and I as we need to have the patience and compassion to show Michael we will never give up on him so he does not give up on himself.

Exceptional Parents, have you noticed any personality changes in your Exceptional Child? If so, have you been able to pinpoint if they are in trouble or simply growing up? As always, you need to trust your parenting gut in figuring out what it is they need. If in doubt, get a professional opinion. In most cases though, sooner or later your child will tell you that this is who they are in what they say or do. Then you will know how best to support them from where they are at that moment. Until next time.

Tools To Get On The Same Emotional Page As Your Exceptional Child

So Michael has been having some social fears this summer. He will go to crowded places for brief periods of time, had no trouble at summer camp where he knows people, but is feeling a little overwhelmed going places with me and Dad. I agree with our Educator that I think he is just so much more aware of everyone and everything around him, and due to difficulty with understanding some social cues, I think he would rather stay away from people than make a mistake socializing. I wish I could say that I have been more understanding with this. It’s not that I have not been understanding, but lately his tween anger, rude comments and  adolescent posturing combined with the anxiety, has made me feel a little overwhelmed. Some days are easier than others, and I always try and see the gifts Michael has, but I don’t always shine anymore than Michael does. We do our best to regroup and start again.

Don’t get me wrong. We still have good moments. He has come so far in independence with organizing himself, managing his diabetes and of course, his amazing ability to navigate any street or area in our city. The most fun is having him direct me around town as I have zero sense of direction.  He is starting to try and learn other cities now! Still, it occurred to me today when Michael expressed frustration that I don’t listen to him and that is why he gets mad and I echoed the same sentiments, that we needed to sit down and look at new tools to work collaboratively as a family. Here are the ones I am putting in place:

1) Make lists of things you want to fix together The trick to making these lists is that both you AND your child sit down together and write what improvements each of you could make so that communication gets easier.

2) Praise the good efforts they are making even if there are still mistakes: Michael had been feeling that even when he messes up the times he doesn’t do not get praised. I was actually feeling underappreciated myself in this area as well. After having a few fights this week, we each took time apart and then made a deal to look for the good in each other. We also both told the other one we like spending time together, just need to improve how we communicate.

3) Remember your child is having a harder time than you: Sigh. This has been tough for me. Most summers it is as I have Michael 24/7 a lot more than during the school year and he is not in routine the same way as in school. Still, even during a rough patch earlier today, I reminded myself that as overwhelmed as I am with Michael in puberty, with his unique brain and diabetes, for him this is all way more stressful to handle. Compassion for your child needs to come first. Then for yourself.

4) Tell them you love them even if they don’t say it back: Yep. Mine is too cool to say I love you and does not want hugs. I get “I like you” and high fives, tens or twenties. It’s ok and I know normal for a lot of kids in puberty to do this. The fact that he says he wants to spend time with me, is discouraged when I am upset, and does silly inappropriate things to get my attention, show me I matter to him. I am starting to say I love you more often and not go to bed mad. I also remind him I am always there to talk about things whenever he needs me.

5) Take care of yourself and tell them why you are doing it: Make sure your child sees you doing things that make you happy. When Michael asks me “why are you going outside again?” He is upset that I am not in the same room as him, but I explain that being in the yard is my time to recharge, unwind, be creative and occasionally let out big emotions. When I come back in, I am calmer and able to handle things better with him. Then we have time together.

Exceptional Parents, what tools do you use to handle the ups and downs of life with your Exceptional Child? As long as what you use works for the two of you, the formula is correct. Remember, they need to feel as listened to as you do. They need to know you respect them, love them no matter what unconditionally,  and that you will never give up on them.  Until next time.

 

 

Summer Camp, Independence and How My Exceptional Son Is Coming Into His Own

This has truly been a summer of growth for Michael, both in terms of his physical growth, puberty and his emotional maturity with the outside world, and even with us.  Michael is not only managing his diabetes, he is doing his own injections and getting it done properly for the most part. Michael is not only responsible to be left alone at home for longer periods of time, but he enjoys that we trust him and behaves in a calm way. And finally, Michael is attending summer camp this year without a shadow and doing extremely well. It’s been amazing to witness his growth in these areas, and though he is struggling emotionally in others, I keep reminding myself of his potential and showing him what he is capable of when he believes in himself and in his abilities.

All our kids have their strengths. As parents, it’s important, including when they are struggling in some areas of their life, to look for the areas they are excelling in. It is also important we remind them of their successes in said areas and how proud we are of them. A lot of exceptional kids with anxiety don’t have a lot of confidence in themselves. The lack of confidence does not only come out in crying, panic attacks, but sometimes as rudeness or anger. They feel they have to control everything, and if one thing goes out of whack, their world goes out of whack for a time being. If we as parents show them their strengths and praise them for it acknowledging how far they’ve come, this will help them go a long way towards learning to love themselves.

Michael, being a Jekyl and Hide Kid, is one way at home and one way in society. He does very well in society, managing his emotions well, but at home will unleash in anger and frustration or anxiety. My heart breaks for him, as I know he is still developing the tools to cope with his emotions while handling puberty in a brain that is not mainstream and with Type 1 Diabetes. He does a great job most of the time, and when he messes up, it’s getting him to learn from the experience and move forward. What has impressed me, is that even when he loses himself in anger or frustration momentarily, he is able to circle back and see where he went wrong. He is learning his triggers, both what over excites and over frustrates him, and he is learning how his health affects his overall attitude at home and in society.

I for one am just trying to give him as much control as possible in decision making, and be there if he needs me to steer him in a better direction. But when I see him out in the world, I see a calm, steady young man who is learning who he is and what he wants. This gives me great hope that he will master this quality at home, and see that he can handle the emotional ups and downs of life without pushing things down. Of course, there are still boundaries. That is important for all children in order to grow in a healthy manner.

Exceptional Parents, what moments of pride do you have when you look at your Exceptional Children? Just remember, remind them of their successes. Put it on a sheet of paper if necessary. When it is writing, as they say it is a permanent reminder of where they are and where they are going. Until next time.