Category: different brains

Personality Changes In Your Exceptional Child-When To Panic And When To Say It’s Puberty

So I have been feeling worried about Michael. Yes, I am a worrier and prone to anxiety myself. But, I have been seeing a little bit of a personality shift in my tween. He is going from a very extroverted social kid to being a little more withdrawn and not wanting to be in big places doing big things like in the past. The scariest thing at first was how he didn’t want to be around big crowds in stores, parks, beaches, pools. This was not the Michael I have known since infancy, who although would get overwhelmed, loved talking to and socializing with different people. Puberty has brought many changes, and one of them has become a greater awareness of his environment, appropriate and inappropriate things to do, and self-conscious thoughts. Was the medication causing this? Was he depressed? Or was this normal?

I am beginning to think this is part of Michael’s normal adolescence. His awareness of the world around him and the noises, social norms and other things expected of them, has made him a little more self-conscious and shy. I don’t think it is anything to worry about, though I do worry about his retreating socially a bit. A lot of the fights we’ve had lately have been around me saying he can’t let fear push him away from trying new things. He has taken it that I am trying to push him full force into talking something fearful, when I am clarifying with him that no, I don’t mean that. What I want is for him to tackle his fears slowly, break down the worry into small pieces, and then see how he can be successful. I think he is starting to believe me, though we are having hiccups along the way. What parent and tween don’t, right?
I am happy to say that I have seen a great maturity in Michael and how is handling his meltdowns lately. He is learning what he is doing right, and where he needs to improve. He spoke tonight that he stopped himself from throwing something in anger and let out his rage in crying and punching a toy meant to be a release for his anger. I commended him for doing that, though I have to admit it broke my heart to hear him crying. He also said it helps him to have one of us nearby when he is having challenges, both to see him through the tough time, and after when he is calm to talk. I realized this is not a child who is not well. This is a child who is slowly learning about his nervous system and how and what works for him to handle anger and anxiety and reset himself.

Red flags for a child would be complete pulling away from family and friends, complete personality changes social or solitary, and any kind of repeated destructive behavior where lessons were not learned and the intensity of it got worse. I am thankful that this is not the case. In fact, even on the harder days, we are seeing improvement. It just means more resilience is demanded of Dad and I as we need to have the patience and compassion to show Michael we will never give up on him so he does not give up on himself.

Exceptional Parents, have you noticed any personality changes in your Exceptional Child? If so, have you been able to pinpoint if they are in trouble or simply growing up? As always, you need to trust your parenting gut in figuring out what it is they need. If in doubt, get a professional opinion. In most cases though, sooner or later your child will tell you that this is who they are in what they say or do. Then you will know how best to support them from where they are at that moment. Until next time.

Advertisements

Tools To Get On The Same Emotional Page As Your Exceptional Child

So Michael has been having some social fears this summer. He will go to crowded places for brief periods of time, had no trouble at summer camp where he knows people, but is feeling a little overwhelmed going places with me and Dad. I agree with our Educator that I think he is just so much more aware of everyone and everything around him, and due to difficulty with understanding some social cues, I think he would rather stay away from people than make a mistake socializing. I wish I could say that I have been more understanding with this. It’s not that I have not been understanding, but lately his tween anger, rude comments and  adolescent posturing combined with the anxiety, has made me feel a little overwhelmed. Some days are easier than others, and I always try and see the gifts Michael has, but I don’t always shine anymore than Michael does. We do our best to regroup and start again.

Don’t get me wrong. We still have good moments. He has come so far in independence with organizing himself, managing his diabetes and of course, his amazing ability to navigate any street or area in our city. The most fun is having him direct me around town as I have zero sense of direction.  He is starting to try and learn other cities now! Still, it occurred to me today when Michael expressed frustration that I don’t listen to him and that is why he gets mad and I echoed the same sentiments, that we needed to sit down and look at new tools to work collaboratively as a family. Here are the ones I am putting in place:

1) Make lists of things you want to fix together The trick to making these lists is that both you AND your child sit down together and write what improvements each of you could make so that communication gets easier.

2) Praise the good efforts they are making even if there are still mistakes: Michael had been feeling that even when he messes up the times he doesn’t do not get praised. I was actually feeling underappreciated myself in this area as well. After having a few fights this week, we each took time apart and then made a deal to look for the good in each other. We also both told the other one we like spending time together, just need to improve how we communicate.

3) Remember your child is having a harder time than you: Sigh. This has been tough for me. Most summers it is as I have Michael 24/7 a lot more than during the school year and he is not in routine the same way as in school. Still, even during a rough patch earlier today, I reminded myself that as overwhelmed as I am with Michael in puberty, with his unique brain and diabetes, for him this is all way more stressful to handle. Compassion for your child needs to come first. Then for yourself.

4) Tell them you love them even if they don’t say it back: Yep. Mine is too cool to say I love you and does not want hugs. I get “I like you” and high fives, tens or twenties. It’s ok and I know normal for a lot of kids in puberty to do this. The fact that he says he wants to spend time with me, is discouraged when I am upset, and does silly inappropriate things to get my attention, show me I matter to him. I am starting to say I love you more often and not go to bed mad. I also remind him I am always there to talk about things whenever he needs me.

5) Take care of yourself and tell them why you are doing it: Make sure your child sees you doing things that make you happy. When Michael asks me “why are you going outside again?” He is upset that I am not in the same room as him, but I explain that being in the yard is my time to recharge, unwind, be creative and occasionally let out big emotions. When I come back in, I am calmer and able to handle things better with him. Then we have time together.

Exceptional Parents, what tools do you use to handle the ups and downs of life with your Exceptional Child? As long as what you use works for the two of you, the formula is correct. Remember, they need to feel as listened to as you do. They need to know you respect them, love them no matter what unconditionally,  and that you will never give up on them.  Until next time.

 

 

When Your Exceptional Tween Reaches Out-How To Meet Them Halfway

Puberty has been challenging for Michael. I have said this before. He is dealing with a lot of different emotions and feelings and having to learn to self-regulate and practice impulse control. Thankfully aggressive behavior overall is going down, and even anxiety. He is recognizing his strengths and giving himself credit. Dad and I are working on reminding him of that. He is also recognizing his limitations and asking for help. What I am impressed about and very proud of him for, however, is that he is willing to meet us halfway now. Yes, we are compromising as parents and child. This is mandatory when your child has ADHD or a different kind of brain  with lots of other challenges, as from the beginning, they see obstacles and the world in general in another way than you do.

Where am I seeing compromise? Michael understands we make the rules for his general well-being, and if he wants to stay up later, do a fun activity longer, he checks with us.  He also will give different ideas concerning controlling anger and if they don’t work, go looking for what else he can try. He is trying to learn how to get out there socially in an appropriate way, AND communicating how he feels about his relationship with us. The other day he got upset when I was heading downstairs to write;

“Mommy, can you stay upstairs until I go to bed and go write downstairs after? Can you stay in the same room with Daddy and I. You can write here or read, right?”
“I can, but you’re listening to music with your headphones anyway.  Does it really matter?”
“Yes. If you stay here with Daddy and I (Dad also had headphones on watching his videos). I know we are a family.”

“We’re a family wherever we sit Michael. We do lots of things as a family.”
“But I miss you.”
My heart swelled with love. He may not want hugs and kisses from me, but he wanted my presence. He wanted the security of us all in the room together even if we were doing different things. My big boy cares and wants to bond with us still. Lately he has also been sharing more confidences with me, and a biggie everyone, he has been confessing things he did wrong, opening up by saying; “I don’t want to lie to you Mommy.” I am so proud of how he is growing up. Dad and I tell him that. Other than his points rewards system for drives, we are also watching his behavior and seeing that he can be left alone for short periods of time now. We are looking into letting him go on bike rides and walks (short) on his own. I think he sees the trust we are putting in him and he is finally seeing he can put that trust back in himself.

So what have I learned from meeting my exceptional tween halfway?

1) Write out a list of expectations (both of you): It’s important that both parent and child know where each stands.

2) Keep the lines of communication open by BEING physically and emotionally available for your child:  Ask about their day, find opportunities to talk and stay nearby. You’ll never know when you’ll be missed otherwise.

3) Compromise on things like bedtime and rewards but makes sure it works both ways: Don’t be such a stickler for the rules. Pick your battles with your child, but remember, have a consequence for either of you if you step out of line, and learn from the rough times as much as from the good ones.

4) Remember your child’s limits: This is hard when they are in heavy negotiations and you think that your child can’t be limited in self-control or learning, but they are. Their very different brain does not work like yours so misunderstandings will occur if things are not clearly outlined.

5)Love your child through it all: This one sounds obvious, but too many times we are frazzled and frustrated and forget that our child is struggling even when they are angry and yelling at us. It’s important after they calm themselves down and you do the same, that you show and tell them you love them always. They need to know they are accepted for who they are.

Exceptional Parents, how have you met your Exceptional Child halfway? What has been the result? I’m sure you both came out winners. It’s important to remember we all have bad days or weeks. We need as parents to teach our children how mistakes, fears and hurts help us learn. And then show them, through our example, how it is done. Until next time.

This Exceptional Mom’s Step Closer To Living Neuro Diversity

This afternoon something really special happened. Michael and I had a chance to speak with an amazing young man on the autism spectrum in our community. This has been something I have wanted to happen for a very long time, but with busy work and school schedules it did not happen. This young man and Michael had hung out together at an extra curricular activity years ago and the friendly bond had been mutual. Michael used to ask about him, and over the years I had meant to try and arrange a meeting, but life got in the way. Fast forward to June when I contacted this individual to ask him questions about his tween and teen years and how autism affected him while maturing given the challenges Michael is experiencing. He was a wealth of information and asked if Michael would like to talk with him in person. It would also mark the first time I would meet him face to face. We have corresponded by email, Facebook and spoken on the phone only previously. I was excited and so we set up a day and time to meet. This afternoon late in the day was the meeting.

What an experience! For me watching someone so like Michael, but yet not him, (you know the saying, once you’ve met one autistic person, you’ve met one autistic person, ) I was loving listening to how they talked, what they talked about, and how they shared thoughts, feelings and laughter together. I was included in the conversation too, for which I felt privileged. There was one moment when Michael heard about all this young man is doing and has accomplished so far in his twenty something years, and said, “Wow, you did all that with autism!” The comment made me laugh and then feel sad, as Dad and I have always told Michael his autistic brain is something to be proud of, and that the only difference between him and someone non-autistic is how they see the world a little differently and need to find what their strengths are and what they can contribute.

Different means we can learn from each other. So my comment back to Michael was, “Yes, he did all that with autism like you do all the amazing things you do with autism. Your brain is beautiful and I wish I could do some of the things you guys are talking about as easily.”  The young man agreed wholeheartedly, and I saw Michael’s happy surprise. It’s the same thing with Michael’s ADHD. I have pointed out over the years how many celebrities and singers have this kind of brain, then added; “look at what they have accomplished. You can make your dreams come true. Just believe in yourself like Daddy and I believe in you.”

For me watching two people with autism talk so openly about victories, struggles and their unique brains,  helped remind me how normalizing who are kids are is what counts the most. It is hard for them when they are around people  who even though well meaning,  may misunderstand what autism is and isn’t. Even Dad and I sometimes forget what Michael needs to hear. He could be looking away and still listening. We need to relax with the look at me. He needs time to finish his thoughts, stay on track, and have gentle reminders to use strategies to stay calm and focused. He also needs to be reminded that autism is a part of who he is and it will not limit him as long as he takes advantages of the strengths he has with the kind of brain he has- hyper focus on interests that could form a career, energy to carry him forward, and an ability to see the world in a different way and get others to follow suit. His explanation for loving traffic jams? It helps me to slow down. I never will look at traffic the same way again! Ironically, Michael and all children and adults I talk to or read about, have taught me to slow down in my life, to look at things from a different perspective, and to see how learning to embrace differences makes us all better human beings in the end.

Exceptional Parents, when was the last time you celebrated your Exceptional Child’s uniqueness within the autism spectrum? If it’s been awhile since you told them everything about them is awesome, now is the time. Even the things about a different brain that you don’t get, take the time to learn and speak to an individual who is autistic.  They will no doubt open up your mind to what is possible with acceptance, respect and compassion. Until next time.

Milestones Among The Challenges-How To Look For The Silver Lining

Michael is having  a hard time in puberty. This is nothing new and I have shared many examples of this, but as I tell other parents  it’s important to celebrate the victories our children achieve and let the feeling of success filter out to them too.  Sometimes I forget this, but tonight was one of those victories for me. We met friends at a nearby park where a free movie and hot night was being held. The movie was starting quite late, but we decided to meet up and eat with the friends, catch up, and then leave when the movie started. By the time we got there the lineups for the food were crazy long. Given that the park was close by, I told Michael we were going to go home and eat and then head back to meet the friends. He was not happy, but cooperated in the end. He had made some silly comments when we arrived, so I warned him, when we go back to meet our friends your behavior has to be appropriate. It was not only appropriate, but he talked with his friend, and we waited with them in line for their food without any mishaps.

Michael also gave himself his own insulin injection perfectly at dinner AND when we got home right before his bedtime. He was calm, mature and poised. After a week of some challenges at home with words and actions, I got a chance to see the Michael that the rest of the world sees. This Michael was in control of himself. This Michael was listening and expressing himself appropriately. Though he was disappointed he couldn’t afford to wait the long line anymore due to danger of his sugar dropping,  but he took it so maturely. He got a high ten and a major compliment from Dad and I when we got home. And I reminded him that he is capable of doing this great behavior and that this is what we want to see more of. He smiled.

For me, it really helped shine the light on what Michael does right. Lately, I haven’t liked my kid too much. He has been pushing limits at home and being a teen. Still, that combined with his other challenges and complex way of seeing the world, has made me feel overwhelmed. Then, like a glass of water on a hot day, an evening like tonight occurs. I see a major maturity milestone and I see that he is making progress and moving forward. It’s not all struggle. There are victories too, for him and for Dad and I as we watch him take on things that would challenge any kid. I was a proud Mom tonight watching him with his friend, watching how well he handled hearing no, and seeing how well he did when we arrived back at home. I’m still basking in that moment and reminding myself that it is important to keep the milestones close to our heart. When those tough days happen, we will remember that there are easier and exciting days ahead.

Exceptional Parents, do you remember to celebrate the milestone successes with your Exceptional Child? It gets hard when there are more challenging days, but as long as you look for the silver lining in your child’s progress, and all children have them, you will help encourage them and keep yourself positive and strong for the storms ahead. Until next time .

How To Diminish Your Exceptional Child’s Anxiety- Diminish Your Own Parental One

What is that saying that we hear so often? If an airplane is going down, should the mother put the oxygen mask on herself or her child first? The answer as we all know is, herself. Why? Because she can’t save her child if she dies. It is the same idea when a child is overwhelmed by anger and anxiety. It is hard for a parent. We feel like we are going down in that plane with our child. We are scared. We panic because we are not the impartial therapists who can afford not to get emotional with the child and do stay calm. This is OUR child. It’s all about emotions. The thing is, and I’ve learned this through personal experience and occasionally still have to, we need to get control of our parental anxiety first before we can help our child get control of their child anxiety.

What does that mean? Well, first it means we have to remain calm when our inner and outer world is falling apart. There is nothing worse than watching your child suffer and not knowing how to help at first.  The second thing is we have to put in on our parental strategies for handling our anxiety and not lose our cool yelling at our kids or worrying too much. This is the hardest thing to do parents, but the payoff is huge. You are able to show your child that you are holding it together and they will be able to also. Thirdly, when you and they are both in relaxed moods, offer strategies that you think might work. If you’re not sure, ask them what they think you could do for them when they are anxious or panicking. Ask them what they need from you and what they could use to help themselves.

Our Exceptional Kids have different brains from us. The wiring is hooked up in a way that is not like a neuro typical adults. Neuro diverse kids need neuro diverse solutions, so what would work for a neuro typical child may not work for them. Elements of a strategy may work, but adjustments will most likely need to be made. Fine tuning. As a parent, you know your child best. You know their mind. If there are things you haven’t figured out due to the fact that they process things in life differently, you may want to consider asking an adult with a neuro diverse brain how they handle anxiety. There are great blogs and books written by people with Autism and ADHD that educate the rest of us on what our exceptional kids need. Read and learn. As a parent and professional, I am always reading something about autism and ADHD as well as anxiety. I try and see how best to understand my Michael’s uniqueness, with some of the way he thinks due to different brain connections.

I also remind myself not to panic. He is still my little big boy as I now call him, though there are days I worry that with puberty and growing up he is growing far away from me understanding him. In reality, I know that is not the case. It is simply that he is having to learn new ways to regulate, self-soothe, and handle his emotions. Even on the toughest days I vow to be there oxygen mask on me and one on him, breathing together and coming out unscathed on the other side.

Exceptional Parents, how calm are you in the eye of the storm of your child’s anxiety or anger? Yes, there will be days you lose your temper and mess up. You are human, after all. Just pick yourself up, learn from the experience, and remember that the calmer you stay as a ship’s captain does, the smoother the ride will be for your child and yourself. Until next time.

Different Environment, Different Exceptional Child-Where Is The Real One?

Tonight while looking for something else in my email I came across a summary report of Michael’s progress in a group he participated in run by some OT students at his school. There were things in there  I clearly agreed with and those that surprised me, as I have seen Michael surpass so many obstacles since the writing of this report. It was hard to read those parts, for though I believed that he did demonstrate those weaknesses in a therapy group setting, the report was probably written a few months ago. He is now on a better medication to help with his ADHD, and he has grown up a lot this summer.

Michael is also one way at school, and another way at home. At school he will push down his anger and not lash out. At home he does not hold back. At school, he will follow the class routine, at home we would have huge fights about this and sometimes still do, though I have to say it is getting better. Why? I am learning to see that Michael is not the kid we see at school nor the kid he is at home. He falls somewhere in between, and finding out who he really is and understanding how his brain works is a wonderful labyrinth that I have to have the patience to figure out. We compromise on certain things with him and insist he follow a routine on others. This has started working for us at home.

I sometimes feel overwhelmed as a parent as I’m sure all parents are. Am I doing enough to encourage him with activities? Am I making the right decision with medication? Half the activities in this report he no longer has interest in, He is also going through a phase now of not wanting to do sports with me or go to parks. He does like to go on bike rides and take long walks though which makes me happy as he is out in society and exercising. As I mentioned before, he is pulling away from crowds, people, and becoming a little more introverted. We are questioning if the same medicine that has made organizing himself in the am and pm so much better, responsible for socially shy behavior. This  has never been the Michael I knew at home prior to puberty or medication. He always loved people.

As Exceptional Parents, we tend to ask ourselves questions such as those a lot more than many other parents, I think. We worry have we done the right therapies and gotten our child the best support. Have we caused damage to them? How can we bring out our child’s true character if we do not feel we are seeing it already? Sitting here tonight as I write this, I realize there are no easy answers. A child is not a machine. One size does not fit all. I think the answer of who our children are are a mix of what we see and don’t see. We need to go with the flow, help encourage them with a mix of all kinds of activities that they enjoy, and give them a chance to show us their true character as they get older. We need to stop worrying so much. As Moms it is natural though, isn’t it? They will show us what they need, and no matter how many expert people help our child including us, in the end they are the people who know themselves best and they will know what they need.

Exceptional Parents, do you ever feel frustrated trying to help figure out who your Exceptional Child is? Take a deep breath. Time will show you. As long as you believe in them, they will learn to believe in themselves too. Then, you will see them bloom in the world. Until next time.

Helping Your Exceptional Child Take The Next Step Towards Independence- Why Pushing A Little Goes A Long Way

As I sat by on Saturday watching Michael do his  diabetes injections completely by himself, I have to admit after giving Michael a high ten, I silently thanked God that we had all arrived at the same place, trusting Michael to take on this big responsibility. In fairness, Michael has wanted to  do his own injections for about a year now, but due to some lingering behavior issues and past questionable treatment of the injection equipment, Dad and I told him that we were not ready to show him until he showed us more maturity in handling his anger and outbursts. Well, things are not one hundred percent perfect, but Michael has come a long way in handling his anger. I sat down with Dad one night about two weeks ago, and we decided he had earned the right to be trusted with medical equipment. After all, we have started trusting him to be left alone at home for short periods of time. He has been taking his own sugar for over a year too. It was time for this next step. And as usual, Michael did not disappoint when trust was placed in him. He never has.

It’s a tough decision for an exceptional parent-learning when your exceptional child is ready to take that leap forward. If you wait for the ‘perfect’ moment, it will never come. It’s like waiting for the perfect moment to do something big for yourself. You will always make excuses unless you take a leap of faith. Listening to your parenting gut, trusting that your child understands what they are taking on and the responsibility of whatever you are asking them to do, as well as a balance of you being available to jump in and encourage them if they get scared. There is never shame in that, whether you are a child or adult. If we had waited until all Michael’s behavior challenges were solved before moving forward, he would have lost out on an opportunity to see his maturity in that area. We also would have lost an opportunity to see more of  Michael’s strengths. I have our Educator to thank for giving me gentle nudges as well. I see how smart, competent and capable Michael is, but sometimes my old worries of pushing him out of his comfort zone would stop me from acting.

I was not totally wrong. Michael carries A LOT of anxiety and then navigating that with his anger issues become significant challenges for all of us. But if as parents and therapists we only get stuck on what is wrong and not on what  could go right, that negative mindset will transmit to your child. Michael’s Educator reminded us of not only rewarding the positive, but understanding that Michael wanted, like any tween, to be treated more maturely as he was growing up. Instead of always having power battles with a growing teenager, we could, in small doses, give him a little more control over his life so he could see where good choices led.

As Michael has gotten older, I have started pushing him a little more in all areas past his comfort zone. I have picked my battles of course, keeping in mind that Michael can advocate for himself what is too much and what with help, he can grow comfortable around. So far, this formula has started working, especially as he has asked for more independence and trust. Now I tell him, you need to show you are trying your best to manage your emotions. When we see that, we give a little more trust to trying out new things. The diabetes injections are just one of many things we have given over to Michael as he has increasingly started taking responsibility for himself and his actions, positive and negative. The other day he made a bad choice in what he said. Immediately he asked me, “Help me. I need help controlling what I say.” I told him we were getting him more help and that he would learn. We believe in him.

Exceptional Parents, how comfortable are you pushing your Exceptional Child past their comfort zone? It’s not always easy, and of course you have to take it slowly and proceed according to where your child’s development is. Never let anyone push you or your child past what you feel they are capable of. But, don’t ever forget to have full faith that if your child is showing most of the signs that they are ready to take on something big, you give them the chance to shine. Until next time.

Long Walks, Long Talks-How Having A Parent/Child Routine Can Help Build Resilience In Your Child

So as Michael has pulled more inwards due to puberty and all that has brought up, I have used two physical activities he and I both enjoy doing as a way to keep the lines of communication open; bike rides and long walks. It is on the long walks, even though he brings his headphones along, that Michael will say and do things, sometimes proper, sometimes improper, and I get a chance to talk to him about his behavior and how to conduct himself in a way that brings out his best side. I have to admit that on some of our walks I hold my own emotions together better. On others, well, I raise my voice, even yell a little, then it is a lesson for me too on patience, learning to be calm, and to set a positive example of how to handle myself when up against a challenging personality. Ironically, Michael has said that it is hard to talk to me sometimes because I nag and tell him what to do. This is, of course, when I am telling him to do things that he does not want to do. I gently try to redirect him by reminding him that he may not like everything I say, but if I am saying for him to do something he may not like, for me to push that point it has to be due to his health and well being . Then I get an, oh, ok.

In spite of the ups and downs, we usually have good conversations and Michael has said he enjoys our walks and likes to talk to me. So far so good in keeping the communication lines open like when he was a young child. I too enjoy our conversations. Even when he frustrates me as he sees the world in a way I sometimes still have trouble understanding, I love the way his brain will look at something in a totally different way than a neuro typical person’s would. Sometimes his reasoning seems black and white. Other times there are so many colors  I am amazed. I always feel better after our walks as I learn things too. I learn what to continue doing and what to stop doing.

So how can a parent reach their exceptional child at any age? How do we form a strong bond? Here are some tips that have helped our family through the years:

  1. Find a common activity you both love: If possible, this is the easiest and best way to go and do this activity regularly; ie. daily walks, bike rides, a trip to the park, an outing to a favorite place, or time at home playing a game you both love.
  2. Take a HUGE interest in what you exceptional child loves: This is not always easy as sometimes our kids’ tastes may strike us parents as strange, but there is only positive things to gain if we immerse ourselves in their interests and their world. In my case Michael loves drives and navigation, and now, for better or worse so do I. 😉
  3. Find a good time of day to talk and bond: For some families mornings work best. For others evenings or weekends. The important thing is consistency.
  4. Ask them what is bothering them and/or look for signs of agitation: For kids who are able to communicate effectively, ask them their favorite and not so favorite parts of the day. For children who have a harder time with communication, be vigilant for signs of distress and have sensory sensitive strategies ready to help them unwind and regroup.
  5. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help: If your child is not acting like themselves and other issues are appearing that were not there, seek outside help from professionals who have a  love and respect for the exceptional community. Make sure they vibe with your child and your family.

Exceptional Parents, how do you maintain a good bond with your Exceptional Child? As long as whatever you do involves showing love, respect, positivity and hope in your child and their abilities, you and they are on the right path to continuing to have a close relationship with one another. Until next time.

How We Can All Learn Determination From Our Exceptional Children

So there we were this evening biking on Michael’s favorite busy street. We stopped a few times for breaks and so Michael can watch the traffic. He loves cars and moving traffic. He would clap his hands and watch, then clap some more. That is his “traffic stim.”  When we moved on after the third little break, I noticed that one of his tires on his bike had gone a little flat. It was not completely flat, but was losing air so bike riding would be more difficult.

“Michael, your tire is losing air and it will be a little more challenging to go to the next block like we had planned. Do you want to try and you can partially walk the bike or do we head home?”
Michael looked me straight in the eye and said, “I want to do it. I don’t mind if I have to walk a bit with the bike. I want to do the route we planned.”
I was so proud of his determination to finish what he started and pretty much knew this was what he was going to say. I only warned him as I was worried he may get discouraged when the bike riding got harder. However, I had forgotten for a second who I was dealing with, a child who never gives up, perseveres and pushes through to get what he wants, difficult or not.

“Ok honey. We’ll do it. ”

Several times during the bike ride when we would stop Michael would ask me if I was proud of him. I also said extremely. I saw the smile he would give me. I think he knew my answer would be yes. I would be crazy not to be proud of the child who from birth fought to be born through a series of difficulties, then fought to catch up on the milestones and did it, then fought to learn strategies to overcome anger and anxiety and still continue to fight to figure this out. This is a hard challenge. AND finally, fight to master learning how to manage a chronic life long disease of Type 1 Diabetes. I sometimes forget through the exhaustion of parenting, just how tough, resilient and spirited Michael is. He does not give up. He does not take no for an answer, which can be a drag as a parent when you want your child to listen, but heck, I know he’ll do fine making his way in the world one day because of his attitude of not giving up what he is going after.

This got me thinking about what Michael is here to teach me, like all our children are here to teach all of us. He is here to show me to never give up. He is here to show me not to give up on my dreams no matter how challenging it is to make it happen. He is here to remind me to fight for who and what I believe in always. He is here to remind me that love conquers all.

Exceptional Parents, what has your Exceptional Child’s determination showed you? I’m sure it has reminded you that no matter what , you can get through anything, just like your child has. You advocate for them they advocate for you as well, and help you be the best person you can be. Never never give up. Until next time.