Needing To Be Seen-How To Recognize Your Exceptional Child’s Desire To Be Loved

Today while cleaning up some of Michael’s school paperwork, I came across two things that struck me deep to the core. One of them was a piece of school work where Michael described his fear of a situation, and how once he conquered it with my help, he felt better about it and himself. The second one was a letter I had made him write to the coordinator of a swim program he was in a while ago after he had had a meltdown and we’d had to leave without him having his swim lesson that one time.  It had been an embarrassing afternoon for him and I, and though I wished I’d handled it better when in the locker room, I was proud that I’d at least made him write an apology letter. He had misplaced the letter, and had instead apologized in person at the next lesson, but seeing the evidence over three years later brought tears to my eyes. Michael had come so far since then in understanding himself, and in understanding others. And even back then, he tried so hard. He is a child that never gives up on himself, and this reminds me to never give up on him.

It was great for me to see his growth both in school and with me, through coming across these documents. Sometimes, time seems to stand still and I wonder if Michael is understanding the world better around him. Sometimes I wonder if I too am learning from my mistakes. Both these sheets of paper also helped me see that while my child is learning about the world around him, I too am seeing the mother and person I used to be and the fears I had, and changing those fears into being more proactive and using gentle self-talk where I learn from my mistakes. Yes, I still have moments when I slip up as a Mom. Don’t we all, Moms? Michael has moments when he slips up too, as do all children. Sometimes he will endearingly say, “oops, that was wrong.” Other times it takes time before he learns. He’ll ask for help. Then, there are the times he takes control of the wheel of his life, and boom he’s off learning to be more independent, resilient and positive.

I have those moments too. I am not that Mom I was three years ago. I have learned from the mistakes she made. I also send her hugs and healing energy for the anger and impatience and times she felt she was not strong enough to handle a spirited, neuro diverse kid who did not see the world like her and never would. That’s a good thing. He has taught her to heal the part of herself that she thought was wrong, weak and different in a bad way. They were not and are not, of course! None of these things were true. This Mom though still has moments when she needs to retreat and regroup, just as her son does. That’s ok. She’s human. She learns. She heals. She grows. What I have learned from my old Mom self is that compassion and forgiveness of myself and others go hand in hand. I have also learned not to take things and people too seriously. We all have moments we wish we could take back. Instead, we need to learn from them and grow.

Exceptional Parents, do you sometimes forget to recognize your Exceptional Child’s accomplishments in the midst of navigating helping them through their weak areas? It is normal to tackle and prioritize the difficult areas first. As long as we eventually return to a balanced look at our child, what they are doing right, and what they are having difficulty with, we are seeing the whole child equally, and can then help them be the best they can be. Until next time.

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