I had so much anger buried underneath the surface of my polite facade for years. It came out in passive aggressive ways, through tears, lots of tears, and through martyr type things like self-denial. All of this spelled disaster to me before kids, and then after Michael came along, I pushed all of this down so far so I would’t have to think about myself. After all, it I put the baby then child first, this meant I was a great Mom and a worthwhile human being. My needs did not matter as much as my child’s. Wrong answer as any healthy Mom will tell you. If the Mom or Dad is not feeling good, neither will the child be feeling good. It’s the whole oxygen mask on Mom so that things can be taken care of in a healthy way, scenario.
So basically once I saw that this had been what I was doing for pretty much most of my early adult life, I realized that I had a lot of work ahead of me. This work involved getting my own personal anger and stress under control so that I could be my strongest and healthiest self, and be the best parent I can be. It’s a humbling thing, getting your anger under control. It means acknowledging what you are angry about, who are you angry at, and why are you angry? It’s not as easy as it sounds. There are usually emotional layers underneath all of the anger that need to be acknowledged and unearthed before you can get better and tackle your issues. This take time and patience. You will have relapses, both alone and in front of your child. At least I did. That was the most embarrassing for me. However, the good thing is that it helped me see I am human and not superwoman. It helped me show this to Michael, as well as show him that it is ok to fall down. You just get back up again and try.
Of course when we have that attitude, we usually succeed. It’s important for our exceptional kids to see that failing is ok as long as we learn from it. We learn that we can become stronger by bouncing back and our kids see that too. Many of our exceptional kids have anger issues, anxiety issues and bury their feelings as they don’t know how to deal with them. When we show them that we are tackling our personal demons, they can develop courage to tackle theirs and see that their is no shame in doing that.
Exceptional Parents, how is your anger? Are you in control of it or is it in control of you? If you are struggling with your anger there is no shame. We’ve all been there. Don’t give up. You may fall down occasionally, but remember you will learn from each fall and become stronger. Your child will also see that they can overcome their own weaknesses over time with hard work and patience. Until next time.
I am a writer, speaker and parent coach. I blog about how my exceptional son with Autism, ADHD, OCD and Type 1 Diabetes is raising me to a better human being and exceptional mom. My mission is to empower other exceptional parents to trust in their parenting instinct while letting their exceptional child open their eyes to all that is possible! For more information on my coaching services and to download a copy of my FREE EBOOK “5 WAYS TO HANDLE EXCEPTIONAL FAMILY ANXIETY” see my website, http://www.creatingexceptionalparenting.com