Ok. So you are probably thinking, what gives? Why am I writing a post about handling POSITIVE emotional curve balls from your exceptional child? The reason is because a lot of times as exceptional parents, we get super wrapped up in what our child is struggling with, what he/she can’t do, or all the bad feelings that come up for us parenting our kids. Yes, there I said it. Things like this is NOT what I signed up for as a parent. I thought I would handle this better. My child needs another kind of parent, or any or all of the above. Yet, sometimes our child will say or do something that truly amazes us. As I mentioned the other day, Michael started talking about God and heaven for the first time in awhile. He brought up prayer. This is the kid who refuses to come to church with me since last fall, and was not taking catechism seriously. I know it is due to his struggles with self-regulation, aggression, irritability, and of course, peer pressure. As he once said to me, “why don’t my friends at school go to church?” He is following, for better or worse, what they are doing. But he asks me to pray with him. He has a rosary by his bed. He talks to his Educator about God. I know when he is ready, he will be himself, not what he thinks others are.
Another beautiful thing he said, was how much he loved spending time with me. He talked happily about our Saturday cooking times, our bike rides, our times at the park. He also has mentioned the things he does with Dad, and though he gets angry with Dad sometimes, he will openly admit he misses him and can’t wait till Daddy wakes up Saturday morning. Yet, then there are times when he makes statements about traveling, family vacations, play dates and how much he is looking forward to doing fun things and how he wants to live at home forever. Unless he finds a condo really close to us. He’ll talk about how he wants to work from home. And he’ll ask about driving, living alone or with roommates or with a parnter.
“I don’t want to be alone. I want to have someone with me one day.”
It is all very innocent still, but as we enter puberty together, I am biding my time to have “the talk” with him in several installments and Dad doing the same thing. Still, knowing that among diabetes food charts, behavior checklists, medication regulation, and new diagnoses possibly looming, I can still have “normal” mother/son bonding is beautiful. I cherish the time we spent at the park, talking, laughing, enjoying music together and getting close. I know that it is the glue that will hold Michael and I together in the rough times when he asks, “please give me a chance. I am trying my best to find ways to stay calm. I want to live peacefully with you and Daddy.” And he is making improvements with the tools we are getting from our Educator, the books I am reading, Michael’s psychiatrist and from my own Mommy heart and soul, as I find the reserves of love I will have always for Michael. I believe it will be enough to help Michael achieve the positive life he deserves.
Exceptional Parents, how do you handle the surprising positive moments that pop up when the negative ones are still there with your exceptional child? You steer that wheel with your child and go with their flow! That’s how! Yes, there needs to be rules and structure that help them know that you are the adult in charge. But there must also be flexibility for them as individuals, and for their comments which could open the communication channels between the two of you. Until next time.
I am a writer, speaker and parent coach. I blog about how my exceptional son with autism and type 1 diabetes is raising me to a better human being and exceptional mom. My mission is to empower other exceptional parents to trust in their parenting instinct while letting their exceptional child open their eyes to all that is possible! For more information on my coaching services and to download a copy of my FREE EBOOK “5 WAYS TO HANDLE EXCEPTIONAL FAMILY ANXIETY” see my website, http://www.creatingexceptionalparenting.com