Differently Wired Brains and Exceptional Parenting Patience- This Mom’s Lesson in Humility Today

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I love our child psychiatrist as does Michael.  I say this not just for the reason that she is kind, compassionate and has a sense of humor, but also because she really has a way of helping parents see their child as they first did when their child was diagnosed, that is, their child is differently wired not ill. I know this deep down in my bones, but sometimes because Michael looks like other kids, has the same desires as other kids and is becoming more and more of a teenager every day, I forget even now. He is not wired like other neuro typical kids, that is, his brain is not wired like theirs. It is not less or greater than, it is different as theirs is from his. This means, signals get crossed when he is communicating to us and us to him. It also means he perceives stress on a whole other level, and that we, as his parents, need to stay as calm as we can as we ride out his storms and guide him when he is doing well.

I fail to stay calm as much as I’d like. I’m getting there day by day, and now when I lose it,  (less often thank goodness), I don’t beat myself up that I’m a failure like I used to years ago. I repeat my favorite mantra, “I’m a good Mom having a bad day.” AND I also vow to model patience, calm support for Michael. I was reminded  today of how doubly destructive it is when exceptional parents yell at their child when the child is challenging. We had a rough morning at our home.  All it does is show them that yelling and reacting gets things moving, the opposite of what we want to teach.

 

It was humbling to share today that I have lost patience with Michael and can identify my triggers while Dad admitted the same, and hearing that we need to remember that while we have a hard time controlling our anger like a lot of people do, imagine how much more difficult it is for Michael to control his? It also helped me see all Michael’s victories so far in 2018-how far he has come since the fall in handling his emotions and using strategies, how amazing he is being with handling his diabetes, taking new medicine for aggression, as well as working with a new therapy team- an educator and child psychiatrist, as well as his team at school.

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Exceptional Parents, are you losing your cool with your Exceptional Child when they have challenging days? Remember, it is normal to get upset. Our kids know exactly how to hit us right in gut for that reaction when they are losing control themselves. The thing is if we model a calm approach to a tantrum or an aggressive act by showing no tolerance yet no overly angry or annoyed reaction, we are showing our child how to self-regulate in the best way possible. It’s also important for us as parents to find tools to help ourselves stay calm  if we start losing it frequently- meditation, yoga, exercise,  warm baths or massages, talking to friends, can also be great stress releases. Also, as hard as it is, make sure to try and carve out alone time for you to check in how you are feeling. If you are not calm, do the things that can help you stay calm. And if you start losing it with your child, take a deep breath and step back into a happy place in your mind or into another room if you can. Just remember, you are their model for better or worse. They need to know you love them no matter what. Until next time .

I am a writer, speaker and parent coach. I blog about how my exceptional son with autism and type 1 diabetes is raising me to a better human being and exceptional mom. My mission is to empower other exceptional parents to trust in their parenting instinct while letting their exceptional child open their eyes to all that is possible! For more information on my coaching services and to download a copy of my FREE EBOOK “5 WAYS TO HANDLE EXCEPTIONAL FAMILY ANXIETY” see my website, http://www.creatingexceptionalparenting.com

 

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2 thoughts on “Differently Wired Brains and Exceptional Parenting Patience- This Mom’s Lesson in Humility Today

  1. Dear Joanne,

    I am from St Luke’s and follow your blog with interest. My daughter Samantha (Rettino) babysat Michael a few times.
    I am writing to let you know about an initiative that you might be interested in. A friend, Donald Bidd, is looking to start a project that would help provide long term support to exceptional parents and their children through the community. It is a really interesting initiative and I wanted to connect you and Donald should this be of interest to you and your family.
    Wishing you all the best. I enjoy your reading your thoughtful reflections!

    [http://diocesemontreal.org/signature/logo.png]

    Cathie Macaulay
    Coordinator, Pastoral Home Care
    English sector
    Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Montreal
    Coordonnatrice, Service d’accompagnement spirituel des personnes malades
    ou âgées à domicile (SASMAD)
    Secteur Anglophone
    Archidiocèse de l’Église catholique à Montréal

    514-925-4300 # 354
    diocesemontreal.org
    10 120, avenue D’Auteuil, Montréal (Québec) H3L 2K1
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    1. Hi Cathy, Thank you for your kind words! I’m so happy to hear you enjoy the blog! Yes, I definitively know you and your husband and Sam is wonderful too! Michael still asks about her babysitting him. 🙂 Love all of you at St. Luke’s!

      Thank you for letting me know about the initiative for exceptional families! I would most definitively like to be connected to Donald Bidd and talk with him. Please feel free to pass my information to him or send me his, whichever is easiest.

      Have a wonderful week!

      God bless!

      Joanne.

      Joanne Giacomini
      Writer, Speaker, Parent Coach
      “Exceptional Parenting/Exceptional Balance”
      http://www.creatingexceptionalparenting.com (web)
      http://www.exceptionalmomchild.com (blog)
      joanne@creatingexceptionalparenting.com
      514-827-7175
      FB: Exceptional Parenting/Exceptional Balance
      Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/exceptmomchild
      Linked In: http://www.linkedin.com/joannegiacomini
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