Letting Go Of Trying To Control Your Exceptional Child And How To Make It Easier On Yourself

This morning was a tough morning at our house. Michael had an incident on the school bus the afternoon before that had upset him. A child he sat with did not like the fact that he liked to rock against the seat when the radio played, and despite having good strategies to handle it and get back on the bus this morning,  he was too scared.  He was so worried that the bus driver, teacher, and monitor would be angry with him as the child had told him he would be in trouble. The other boy was understandably upset, and unfortunately it affected Michael in a bad way too.  I even emailed the teacher and she was proud of the strategies he was planning to use. When I told her I had spoken to the bus monitor and driver and would be driving him in,  she told me she felt bad he assured me this am that she also would speak to the driver and monitor too.

I took it hard as well, not just feeling bad for Michael’s fear, but I also had a whole morning of errands planned which I did not get to do before work. My frustration and stress hit the ceiling and I had a long hard cry on the porch while I waited on the porch to talk to the bus driver and explain why Michael would not be on the bus today. After Michael’s injection and breakfast, Michael got dressed and was ready for me to drive him in. He cooperated beautifully and we talked about fear and how it was important to have powerful strategies in place to handle our fears and stresses. We also talked about having good strategies to de-stress. I spoke about how I needed to have more time for exercise as this helps me handle stress better. I asked him what helped him? By the time he got to school, we both felt better. I kissed him good bye and I made my way to do at least one of the three tasks I had wanted to do. Not the end of the world, I thought. Take a deep breath and think what I could learn from all of this. What came back to me, was learning to let go. It is especially important to let go of the idea that as a parent you can control your child and their behavior. I know this, but still forget sometimes when my life gets harried and busy. I feel so powerless in other areas, and try to make it up by trying to control my child. Not a good idea.

For the rest of today I was shown in various ways how I needed to let go of control and go with the flow. Each time I did things went smoothly. It was a beautiful surprise. And, as  always, I looked back at the difficult moments with Michael and thought, what is the takeaway? It was basically how I can stay present, focused and calm, and handle whatever comes my way in the best possible way I can, with being my best self. This means I take care of being realistic of what I can and can’t do in a day. I make sure to sleep, eat and exercise enough. And when I am stressed, I am gentle with myself. This is a tough one for a lot of  Moms. We want to be and do everything for everyone and put ourselves at the bottom of the list. Not more. Self-care comes first. With Spring Break around the corner, that is my number one priority.

Exceptional Parents, how often have you let go of trying to control things with your child? What has happened when you did? I bet you and your child learned a lot, and things went more smoothly. Control is important when it is about tasks. When it concerns people, flexibility is the key. This is what will help us learn to be our best and our kids to hone their skills of self-regulation. When you mess up, don’t worry. You’re human. Learn from it and grow. The Universe will give you lots of opportunities to learn. Until next time.

I am a writer, speaker and parent coach. I blog about how my exceptional son with autism and type 1 diabetes is raising me to a better human being and exceptional mom. My mission is to empower other exceptional parents to trust in their parenting instinct while letting their exceptional child open their eyes to all that is possible! For more information on my coaching services and to download a copy of my FREE EBOOK “5 WAYS TO HANDLE EXCEPTIONAL FAMILY ANXIETY” see my website, http://www.creatingexceptionalparenting.com.

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