God is good. The Universe is good. If I stop for just a minute I always see that I am right where I need to be, whether I like it or not. Things are quieter for me now, on the work front, on the socializing front, but that is just what I have needed the last week as I got sick. First I mentally crashed badly. My husband was my sounding board one dark night and I am forever grateful to him. Then I physically got an infection and a bad allergy flare up. My body was saying enough. I am finally feeling the exhaustion of the last month and resting when I can. This is the best thing that could have happened to me. I have needed to get quiet, real quiet inside, and see what I had to fix. I was unhappy, stressed, and overloaded over the last month. The roller coaster ride started at the beginning of Michael’s summer vacation when I was realistic about what lay ahead, asking for help, and taking care of myself. But after deciding to leave a stressful job on the heels of accepting a new exciting opportunity, in addition to doing freelance writing and dealing with increasing anxiety from Michael, l was long overdue for a burnout. The good news is I saw it for what it was. It was temporary and fixable with time. I am now living in the moment again, and seeing how Michael is coping with his anxieties. Sometimes he uses good methods, sometimes not. And I see myself doing the same thing. Like mother, like son. We had a funny moment the other day when I was yelling at him over a stupidity. It was one of those things I would have said he could handle better by doing belly breathing or going to his calm corner.
“Ok Mommy. I’m sorry. Next time before yelling you should do deep breathing, or yoga. It will help you calm down.”
I had to laugh. He was learning and I was doing something right. The message was getting through to him. It was time I listened to it as well.
“You’re right Michael. Thank you for reminding me. ”
A new door is opening for me like it is for Michael. We are both learning to point out when the other one needs help, directly and indirectly. Though I am the parent and generally the teacher, there are lots of things Michael humbly teaches me whether he is aware or not. I picture God smiling down on me and in little ways reminding me how to be patient, kind and open to myself so I could be a good example of that for Michael. I know God gave me Michael to teach me self compassion, true beauty and risk-taking in all areas of my life. I’ve always been afraid to fight for what I believed in. I hated rocking the boat. Now I openly lift that boat and overturn it just to prove to myself that being scared should not force me to live a life that I never wanted. I want Michael to learn from my mistakes, to be stronger from a young age, and to see that though parents make mistakes, we learn, we heal, we move on.
What hidden or open messages do your Exceptional Children impart to you? What strengths have they forced you to adopt for their sake? These appear as flaws or bad things at first, but you’ll see in time there is a purpose. There is a reason our Exceptional Children are here with us particularly as parents. So even if you are crying out as I have sometimes done in desperate moments saying, “Why me God? I’m not able to do this anymore,” the answer will come back, “Yes, you are. You are right where you need to be.” Just breathe, take a step forward and be in the moment. Until next time.