My 2 Poems As Therapy and Dialogue With My Son Who Has Autism

I have always known that my writing comes from a spiritual place deep inside of me. I believe it is a gift from God, as it has helped me heal, share, and connect with people both near and far. After becoming a mother to a child with special needs, my stress level went up, up, up, and though I had always used poetry to work through my emotions, negative and positive, never in my life had I started using it more to do this than after I had come to terms with Michael’s autism. But a few weeks ago, something incredible happened. I used poetry as a real dialogue between Michael and I after we had a fight, and he had left the house for his tutoring. It had been a very tough day, and I had done the best I could, but a lot of things had been left unsaid. After he left with his father, I realized I needed to have a good long cry. This is therapeutic ladies. I’m sure you’ve all done it when you’ve been alone or it’s been quiet in the house. If not, I highly recommend trying it. But the thing is, I couldn’t cry. The tears were trapped in my throat and they weren’t coming out. I realized music may help. I put on one of my soothing yoga CDs, and sat down on the chair and waited. Nothing. All of a sudden, my inner voice spoke to me, “write a poem about it.” And I did. I started writing and the two poems became a dialogue between Michael and I.

In the first poem, he is explaining his side of things, and in the second poem I am responding to him. In writing the words to the first poem from Michael’s perspective, “Movement and Me”, the tears that had been trying to escape my eyes since the morning came tumbling down my cheeks at top speed. I started to sob. I wrote another poem, my response to him “Failure” and finished my crying. The next day when I thought back to that afternoon, I realized I had stumbled upon another form of therapy that can help unleash emotions, poetry as a dialogue. It was the second best thing to talking it out with Michael. I felt forgiven for my anger, and I came away with a feeling of peace for the rest of the day. Below are the two poems. I hope you enjoy them. And I encourage all of you to write your own poems to and from your children to you. It’s for your eyes only unless you want to share them, and you won’t regret letting those feelings out. You’ll feel better afterwards I promise you. Until next time.

“Movement and Me”

I need to move all the time

Keep busy all the time

If I stop I may worry more

What you see as not listening is survival

Survival in a world not made by me for me

I try to be good

But it’s hard sometimes

Everything is BIGGER, MORE

My brain is different Mommy

You always tell me that

But sometimes you forget

It’s OK

I will try to remind you

You’re there for me Mommy, right?

Give me the tools Mommy

So I’ll know how to survive

We’ll survive together

I love you, Mommy

(for Mommy from Michael Jan. 18,2015)

“Failure”

So many times I fail you, my son

What I do out of love

Hurts us both

But I am trying to help

To heal your pain, to teach you right from wrong

The only was I know how

I treasure the many joyful moments you bring to me

The complex questions

The caring

The bond you are forming with extended family

I will do my best to try and fail you less often

Like you, I make mistakes

And that is how I learn

We are both learning together

I love you, Michael.

(for Michael from Mommy, Jan. 18, 2015)

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2 thoughts on “My 2 Poems As Therapy and Dialogue With My Son Who Has Autism

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