Yesterday evening at dinner after having made up from a fight, I was struck again by the contradictory feelings and emotions my son Michael brings out in me. He is my world, and has changed my world in every way. I have never nor will I ever feel this way about another human being as I do about my child. I’m sure those of you out there with more than one child feel this way about all your children. And then there are those moments, you wonder why you thought you’d make a good mother because you are yelling on the outside and on the inside thinking, why did I sign up for this job?
We had a fight over the fact that he was not listening after repeated chances (something I realized now was one chance too many), then he looked at me with that mischievious glint in his eye and said, “Mommy is stupid.” Well, you can imagine what went through my mind. I yelled, he yelled, he hit his head, I stopped him and told him to go to his room to calm down. I did the same using one of my calm boxes, the bathroom, with the lock on. While he cried in his room and I fumed in mine, we both chilled out. When I came out he did as well. He apologized. What followed after this storm, was a beautiful dinner. Michael finished talking about his day, and then in one of his classic moments looked at me and asked:
“Who is God Mommy?”
He is preparing to do his First Communion at our Church, but even before this year I have found he is asking more spiritual and reflective questions. I feel I am constantly playing a tennis match with my son, one minute he is acting very young for his age due to his autism and other developmental delays, but next he is a young person asking thought provoking questions. So I answered him with a question of my own. This works well with Michael and I’ve used it before.
“Who do you think God is?”And as usual, he surprised me.
“I think God is a woman Mommy, because, you know I like women.”
And he grinned his crinkle brow smile as I call it. His little forehead crinkles up and he chuckles. I laughed! What an answer indeed. I wonder what parishioners at our church would think!
“I think God looks like different things to different people. For me He is a powerful Being or Light who has created everything in the universe. ”
“What’s a Being Mommy?”
Oh boy. Well, that wasn’t as easy to explain. I can’t even remember what I’d said, but the answer pleased him. After dinner when he was with his father, I thought to myself about the amazing life experiences I have had in being Michael’s Mom. I realized I need to learn more patience, so I can remember in those moments of anger, how that is not the whole story of my life. Being an Exceptional Mom means embracing the good and the bad moments with our kids and learning from them. Our exceptional kids keep us on our toes, and I believe shape us as much as we shape them. Until next time.