I just finished doing my daily meditation and yoga. Instead of doing my usual short 10-15 minute meditations on Tara Brach’s website http://www.tarabrach.com, I decided to try her longer “LovingKindness Meditation”. I was reminded of this meditation by a very good therapist, and have been meaning to do it again for some time. She was in my thoughts this morning, as well as another dear friend of mine, also a therapist, yoga teacher and Mom to an exceptional son who has autism. She has an amazing blog I follow at http://www.yogainthepauses.com. She was the one who last spring introduced me to meditation and re introduced me to yoga as a way of healing and learning to live in the present moment. She taught a class specifically adapted to our community, a group of Exceptional Moms of Exceptional Children. As she put it, there are yoga classes for our kids, but not for us, when we have challenges navigating ours and our children’s daily lives. We became good friends after this as a result.
On that first meditation class, I was not in good shape. I was so afraid of not being able to make it through the session without crying, as I was still healing from burnout. As it turns out, I was not the only one who shed some cathartic tears. Another Mom joined me. And I’ll never forget what my friend said. “Let your body feel what it needs to feel. This is where you are now.” It was a relief to admit to myself that I was stuck, to let go, and let out those pent up emotions in order to move forward. I was so grateful for the permission to let go.
Lately, I’ve been feeling a little apprehensive in my life, nervous about things that are out of my control. This morning I was initially afraid to do the LovingKindness Meditation because I felt the tears welling up. Instead, I did the meditation and let myself cry. I felt what I needed to feel. I relaxed, and felt a peace in my soul I haven’t in a very long time. I think this meditation particularly is a gift for Exceptional Moms. We of all people need to release fears, frustrations and worries, then live in the present and truly embrace that for ourselves and our exceptional children. I thought of Michael too this morning. I thought of how much courage he has to live and function in a world so strange to him in many ways, where even his parents, who love him unconditionally, don’t always understand him. He is the number one reason I want to do this meditation on a regular basis. It’s a wonderful reminder of how unique and special he is, we all are, and how showing love to others starts with showing love to ourselves. Namaste my fellow yogis and future yogis out there. (The light in me sees the light in you). Until next time.