Last night was not a good night. I’ve been having a tough time with Michael lately. There have been some changes recently in his life that have been causing him, (and as a result me), some stress. First, I started sleep training him at night. He has adjusted remarkably well, but the anxiety is coming out during the daytime hours. REALLY coming out. Then, I introduced an after school program twice a week, so I have a chance to work more. Add to that the fact that winter has been like minus -100 degrees outside, and he can’t burn off excess nervous energy. So now you have it ladies: an even more anxious, stressed out little boy on the autism spectrum. You can probably picture how happy I was that I would be going out last night to my bimonthly writers’ meeting. And I made the mistake of thinking: “Yeah, I’m escaping finally!” It had been a few weeks since I had gone out at night with the sleep training and all.
After the bus picked him up, I was washing dishes and thinking. Yes, sometimes my most profound thoughts come when I’m washing dishes or cleaning the floor. I do, therefore I think. 🙂 I remembered about “The Power/Laws of Attraction”, and how it works in your life. Apparently, the things we want too desperately and don’t want desperately, can be brought into our life by thinking and worrying about them. I wanted to go out SO BADLY last night to flee my problems, that I inevitably drove away what I wanted and needed most: a healthy break from my family and my role as autism Mom. A huge family fight happened instead. The details don’t matter. What does matter, is that I did indeed get my escape in the form of driving to the nearest mall near my house in anger. I parked and has a good long cry. When I was done, I texted my friend that was hosting the writers’ meeting telling her I wouldn’t be coming, and answered my husband’s text about where I had gone. I told him I was coming home to be alone in my room and go to bed. Michael was calm when I got home and did well with his father. I was glad.
I learned a powerful lesson that night. Only when I let go of how badly I needed escape, how worried I was about my husband putting Michael to bed with the changes, did it all work out. And you know what, in the end the universe was smarter than me. I think I was meant to stay home, have a glass of wine, and go to bed early which is what ended up happening. So remember Moms, let go of your fears, worries and preconceptions. I guarantee you will get what you need at that time to have the strength to go on. I’ll leave you with a great quote that, as usual, I found at the right time.
“The end is simply the beginning of an even longer story.” -Zadie Smith-
Until next time.